Topless Sports News
Nov. 29th, 2006
Tonight I traveled with the LA City College (CITY) Men's Basketball Team who were facing Riverside City college, the top-ranked team in California. City has traditionally been Riverside's daddy, but this is a down year for our team Riverside, like every team in Southern California was drooling at the opportunity to lay the smackdown on our team while they're still beatable.
It was an UGLY game for both teams. City has their defense so they made Riverside look bad, but our offense was a MESS, because we don't move well without the ball and make soft passes, so we were committing AWFUL turnovers, and lots of them, at least 30.
City had just cut the game to 2 or 3 - I can't remember now - with 70 seconds left in the game, when the ref (THEY WERE SPECTACULARLY BAD!) called a phantom foul on City, and then they slapped our Coach with a technical. That means they get 2 sets of free throws and possession. I was so pissed. I stood up and I screamed "REF'S - DON'T - DECIDE - GAMES!" over and over until the Riverside fans started screaming "Go back to LA!" To which I countered "Go back to your mobile homes, Riverside!" Then I went back to my mantra. Then, with about 35 seconds left in the game, I saw the cops running up the steps, so I moved to the other end of the bleachers. They finally caught up to me with 8 seconds left in the game, and they ordered me to leave! I asked them innocently, "What did I do?" and then "Don't I even get a warning?" and then with 3 seconds in the game, they said "This is your warning; Leave now!" So I did.
The best part was when I moved to the opposite corner of the bleachers by the City bench when I saw the cops coming.
Riverside's Athletic Director followed me from the floor and gave me an evil Republican stare as if I had commandeered the public address system and announced I was giving free abortions at the snack bar, so I winked at him. He was PISSED! Anyway - I had a great time at the game today, even though we both stunk up the joint. There is no way Riverside is the top team in the state. City has a bad team this year, and we could have won this game. Either this is an early season overrating, or the North is becoming the dominant region in Cali Juco hoops.
I think the Riverside A.D. is a pussy for sicking the police on me. Last I heard this is still a free country, but then again, I was in Riverside.
Nov. 28th, 2006
My Wireless provider at the Topless Sports News Studio (apartment!) has been down for the past couple of days, which is totally fucking up my writing game. During the week, I scan through all of the countries sports stories to find the best one's to write jokes about, and a lot of my work is done on the laptop, from the couch. I may not be able to prepare my script, but the work still has to get done.
I have to attend a hoops game in Riverside tonight, which is a 90-minute drive, there, and an hour's ride back, so I printed out the stories, and I'll go over them with a pen - writing in my comments and punchlines. Lucky for me, my neighbor Hillary, who I've never met, has a wireless system, and she doesn't secure it. so, when the time comes for me to transfer, I will just plug into hers.
My philosophy is that obstacles in the road, whether you drive around it or drive through it, keep the drive interesting. No matter what - The show only goes on!
Thanks Hillary - Whoever you are.
Be sure to catch Multiple AVN Nominee, Sunny Lane in her debut performance as out anchor at WWW.TOPLESSSPORTSNEWS.COM and we will have a new show with Sunny - By far, my favorite anchor ever, on Monday!
- Big Scott
Nov. 26th, 2006
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. I know that I have plenty to be thankful for this year, including my plum gig writing and producing Topless Sports News. I am also grateful that during our week off from production, we will have our current show starring my favorite sports anchor in the world,. MULTIPLE AVN NOMINEE, SUNNY LANE posted dor an extra week. And I am MOST grateful, that we will be filming a new show next Sunday Night with the porn starlet with the best comic timing in the entire Valley, SUNNY LANE in the anchor seat again.
If you haven't seen the current show, due to holiday travel, you can be thankful that you still have a chance to see her debut show at www.toplesssportsnews.com
If you've already seen it, and you're one of the dozens of fans who wrote in begging me to brinmg her back for another week, you can be thankful, that we will have Sunny shows running for the next two weeks.
For those of you who are offended by the notion of R-rated sports humor and commentary, delivered by a sexy, topless porn star, you can be grateful that you don't have to visit www.toplesssportsnews.com
Enjoy the last of your Holiday weekend.
This week is pretty slim pickings for a big upset pick. Thanksgiving takes a slice out of the full schedule, but even those games mostly went as planned, with the better teams taking home the turkey. This week, I see one game that can be considered an upset, even though the favorite in this case is a .500 team.
My pick for the upset of the week is the Houston Texans over the NY Jets. Houston is a team that is still young, but they do have some talented skill players. WR Andre Johnson should be healthy, which will make life easier for QB David Carr, who plays in the unique manner that his offensive line is so bad, that he has to rely on the timing of his receivers Johnson and Eric Moulds more than most QBs. RB Walli Lundi is growing into his starting role, and I think if he has one big game in him, this could be the week.
The Jets, on the other hand, don't really have much to look forward to. Yes - at 5-5, they are technically a playoff contender. But truthfully, the jets are a bad team with a broken down QB whose wear is rapidly catching up to him, and third string running backs who would not strat - even in Houston. The Jets played to their peak to back up their coach Eric Mangini in their rematch with his old team the PATS. Now, all Jets fans have to look forward to is their high draft pick this spring.
Last Weeks pick:
Cowboys 21 Colts 14.
I didn't even have to think hard of this one. I think the Colts are overrated, and I think the Cowboys are a REAL GOOD team. I'll take that one step further. Ithink the Cowboys will represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, perhaps setting up a battle between Bill Parcells and his old protege Bill Belichick
As always, your comments and opinions are always appreciated. Be sure to catch the latest episode of Topless Sports News with my Favorite anchor AVN Nominee - SUNNY LANE!!! The funniest and sexiest porn star ever to read sports news, commentary and edgey sports humor.
Last year, Rob Schneider's movie DEUCE BIGELOW - EUROPEAN GIGOLO was maligned by like every critic in the world, with Roger Ebert calling it one of the worst movies ever, and the Los Angeles Times tearing into Schneider for saving the picture from being shelved and somehow getting onto the big screen.
Today, I was channel surfing, and I came accross the sequel on cable, so I stopped for a moment to catch a glimpse of what I expected to be lame SNL alumnus comedy. To my surprize, this movie is one of the funniest freaking films that I've seen in the last few years.
First of all, the film's got Eddie Griffin, who is one of the funniest comics in the world. Who can't laugh at a rabid pussy attacking Eddie Griffin's Big Hairy Balls. I think the problem lies in the fact the majority of these film critics are prudes, and I think this is the reason that half the films coming out today don't even bother to screen the flicks for the critics.
By the way - what makes these dudes' opinions better than yours or mine, anyhow?
Sure - the film isn't as brainy as a Spike Jones flick or old
Woody Allen, but since when is a woman with a penis-sized nose sneezing projectiles or a muscleheaded French gigilo being murdered when he is getting his butthole hair bleached "Gwyneth blonde" not funny?
My only problem with the movie is that their is no naked breasts. I mean, come on! He's a gigolo, right? It's already rated R. Show me the boobies!
That one flaw isn't so bad that it made me not laugh every minute of this 90-minute film, but it would have been nice.
I would have to say that while this film is not as funny as Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, it is funnier than Borat.
Check it out on cable. I'm sure it will be on dozens of time this month.
And be sure to check out our latest episode of Topless Sports News with my favorite anchor AVN Nominee, SUNNY LANE!!
Nov. 25th, 2006
Tonight is the annual USC/Notre Dame game, and this year, for a change, the two teams have more on the line than pride and recruiting gains. This year, both teams have a shot at the National title.
Going into the weekend, the Top 6 were as follows: 1. Ohio State (clinched spot in BCS Championship) 2. Michigan, 3. USC, 4. Florida, 5. Notre Dame, 6. Arkansas.
Since Arkansas lost to LSU on Friday, they are completely out of it now, so I've eliminated tham from BCS contention, even though, they would have needed help, because they were destroyed by the Trojans at the beginning of the season.
Michigan has a great claim for the second spot in the championship game, because their only loss was by a field goal to the top-ranked Ohio State, and they also spanked Notre Dame earlier in the season. Their two biggest obstacles now are the fans displeasure with re-matches, and the fact that their regular season is finished. At this point, they are what they are, and they have to wait to see where all the marbles land.
USC also has a legitimate claim on the number 2 spot if they also beat Notre Dame. The Trojans have clearly been the dominant team for the last several years, and they will have 2 quality wins. They will also have to beat UCLA next week, and I would be psyched to see them destroy the season for the "University of Spoiled Children." If they win out though, it will be hard to deny them a shot at the title.
Florida also deserves a shot at the title if they win out, because the SEC is the toughest division, where every game (with the exception of Vanderbilt) is a tough game. Florida will have to beat their interstate rival Florida State, who is having a down season, and then probably a Top Ten ranked LSU in the SEC Championship game. If the Gators win out, it will be awfully dificult to justify denying them a shot at the championship.
Notre Dame - the top independent team in the nation played a weaker than usual schedule this season, and I have to say, any tam who schedules three military acadenies in the same season is taking the eas way out. Those games to me are the equivillent of playing Division 1-AA teams, and ultimately that may be their undoing this season. The other issue, which is even more damning, is that the Irish already lost UGLY in their matchup to No. 2 Michigan AT SOUTH BEND! In my opinion, there is no justifiable way that the Irish can play for the National title this year.
So who do I choose to face the Buckeyes in the Fiesta Bowl? If al the teams win out, I will give my imaginary vote to FLORIDA. I think their loss to Auburn @ Auburn is a more justifiable loss than USC's blunder against Oregon State. I also believe you have to give the champion of the toughest conference extra points. Michigan's is also a worthier challenge to Ohio State than USC, but because they will not even win the conference title, I can't justify overlooking a conference champion for a conference runner up.
So there you have my opinion. If all the top teams win out, my choice for the BCS Championship is
OHIO STATE Vs. FLORIDA
Who would you like to see in the BCS Championship?
As always your comments and criticisms are always appreciated.
And be sure to check out our current episode of Topless Sports News with my favorite anchor - multiple AVN Awards nominee, SUNNY LANE!
Nov. 22nd, 2006
Mike Miller - The head coach of the Los Angeles City College Basketball Team, and a personal mentor of mine, won his 500th Junior college coaching victory this past weekend. At age 42, Miller is the youngest coach to reach the goal. He's won over 90% of his games over the last 10 years, has won 13 consecutive conference championships, and transfered over 60 players to Division-1 teams with full scholarships.
Congratulations Coach. Keep on winning!
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08:58 pm - Bodybag Games - NCAA Hoops
My sports background is in collegiate basketball, having worked with one of the top Junior College teams in the country, and many of the players who I have worked with are playing for some of the top Division-1 programs in the country. I think that college hoops is the most pure version of the game in the country, because for the most part, the athletes are playing for the thrill of competition and not for the thrill of earning an 8-figure payday.
The one instance where this is not true - aside from a few of the top-ten teams (not named UCLA) are the early-season "bodybag" games. These are the games where the top teams in the country host some of the worst teams in the country on their homecourts. The visiting team takes a beating, and the top teams write them a high-five to low-six figure check for their troubles. The good team gets to look dominant in front of their boosters and local fans, while the crappy team gets a free road trip and money to finance the bad programs next over-paid contract for the next coach they hire to attempt to turn their joke of a program into a collegiate power that will seduce wealthy boosters to cut checks for the athletic department.
Examples of YESTERDAY'S bodybag games include, and are not limited to:
#1 Florida 94 - Prairie View 33.
#7 Wisconsin 64 - Delaware State 52
#10 Kansas 89 - Tennessee State 54
Meanwhile - UCLA defeated traditional powerhouse Kentucky on a neutral court.
I have no problem with these lesser teams trying to rev up their games and their programs by facing ranked opponents, but lets not lose sight of what is really going on. The majority of these top programs are losing their credibility by wasting their limited schedule with these thrid-rate teams, and these third-rate teams are exploiting their student-athletes, by shilling them out for games where they know they are going to get clobbered, solely for a big check, which of course, is not distributed to the players at all.
When you're playing a game to stay within 20 points, you are insulting the integrity of the game. The point of the game is to win. Losing by only 16 doesn't make you a winner, it confirms you are a loser. Athletic Directors who are instilling this winning by losing close for a paycheck mentality, are the worst kind of losers, and they should be removed from amature athletics, since their intentions are purely fiscal related.
What is your opinion?
As always, your comments and criticisms are always appreciated.
And be sure to catch the latest episode of Topless Sports News with our very special anchor - SUNNY LANE!!
Which NCAA hoops team is the best this season?
I personally like UCLA, and it's not all due to the fact that it's the name on my Bachellor's Degree. The Bruins are returning the core of their NCAA Tournament Runner up team. The only big loss is Jordan Farmar, and we already have players like Collison replace him.
The only team that I think can challenge UCLA this year is Florida, because they have their entire starting lineup returning from last season's championship run. I just have a hunch that UCLA will take them this year.
Call it a hometown hunch, I don't care. Who do you think is going to be the top team in NCAA Basketball this season?
Let us know.
As always, your comments and criticisms are always appreciated, and be sure to check out the new episode of Topless Sports News with my favorite anchor, EVER ...... SUNNY LANE!
Nov. 21st, 2006
Be sure to check out this week's HISTORIC new episode of Topless Sports News with Special guest anchor SUNNY LANE!
You can catch the show at www.toplesssportsnews.com
Sunny is a big time porn star, and she has a great rack. She's also got some amazing comic timing, and my favorite anchor yet! The show is historic, because I finallly found a solution to the on-air talents difficulty with reading the prompters. I think you'll enjoy it. she's listed in the top line of our favorite friends.
Be sure to keep checking the site throughout the week, as we are adding new segments for NHL, soccer and horse racing!
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